


spirit (never dies)

by Lauren (notalwaysweak)



Series: elements of desire [5]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Polyamory Negotiations, Polymachina
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-13
Updated: 2017-05-13
Packaged: 2018-10-31 06:15:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10893423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notalwaysweak/pseuds/Lauren
Summary: Zahra apprises her cousin of the Vox Machina polycule, and Pike brings her own contribution to the table. In the face of dragons, disaster, and dire circumstances, love endures and grows.





	spirit (never dies)

Zahra keeps meaning to bring Lillith up to speed on the Vox Machina… _situation_ , but one event or another will transpire, and she'll be distracted. 

Two days after the assassination attempts she gets out one of her rare Sending scrolls: _Assassins in Whitestone targeting VM and supporters. Watch your back._  

Ten words down; she can't summarize _I'm sleeping with Vex who's also sleeping with Jarett and Percy, hope you're doing okay_ in the remaining fifteen words. 

Well, she _can_ , but it lacks nuance. 

She wants to share the joy of the relationship with her cousin: how brilliant Vex is at sex and experimentation, even in such a brief time together. How quietly competent Percy is at managing the twins, his innate skills with diplomacy heading most disagreements off at the pass. How lovely it is to watch Vax making eyes at Keyleth across the breakfast table. 

That's where they are now, Zahra drafting her message, and Keyleth trying to persuade Kash to eat some spinach along with the bacon he's laden his plate with. Zahra, knowing Kash as well as she does, is betting against the druid. 

"What're you writing?" 

Zahra looks into Vax's dark eyes, so like his sister's. "I'm sending Lillith a message. I thought she should know about the assassins, just in case." 

Vax's lips tighten. "Good point. There are other people we should warn as well." 

"Lillith can get word to Vanessa faster than I can. I have limited spell scrolls, so it would be faster." 

Vax looks at the parchment scrap on which Zahra's been scribbling her intended communication. "That doesn't say anything about telling Vanessa." 

"No, it does not," Zahra says, poking him playfully with the tip of her tail. "I do like sharing good news along with the bad." 

"Oh, of course." Vax rolls his eyes at her and it's that which makes Zahra fling any more vital information to the wind and cast the spell with exactly the words she has written down. She does her best to keep it under her breath, but nonetheless Vax gives her an amused smile. 

There's no immediate response. Whether this is because Lillith is having trouble parsing the message, composing her reply, or by some freak chance on a different plane of existence, Zahra's not sure. 

While she's waiting, Zahra helps herself to breakfast. There's a lot of it available, to her surprise; she'd thought the deprivations under the Briarwoods would have rendered Whitestone utterly bereft of food. But there are eggs—scrambled, fried, boiled—bacon, and toast all being kept warm under metal covers that doubtless bear some kind of enchantment. 

She selects a few strips of bacon, two boiled eggs, and two pieces of toast, mindful that there are other people who won't have eaten yet. Considering the amount of food that's still on offer, at least one of those people must be Grog. 

It's while she's pouring herself a glass of orange juice that Lillith's response comes back, echoing in her head.

 _Consider back watched, will tell Vanessa. Need elaboration on Vex situation, also Percy situation, wondering if he is still available. Asking for friend. I'm friend._  

Zahra cackles aloud, imagining Lillith adding the final two words parenthetically. 

Keyleth looks over at her. "Are you all right, Zahra?" 

Kashaw, entering the room rubbing sleep from his eyes, snorts. "She's fine. I'd bet she just got a message from her cousin." 

"Lillith?" Keyleth perks up. "How is she?" 

"She's fine," Zahra says, taking the fact for granted considering Lillith's enthusiastic response. "She was visiting Vasselheim when... when everything happened. She'll let Vanessa know of the reappearance of Hotis and the assassination attempts." _Damn_. She never mentioned the rakshasa—she's going to have to send another message. Another scroll down. "Percy, do you have anyone at the castle or in town who can create spell scrolls? Or might already have spell scrolls?" 

Percy, having only just sat down, moves to relocate beside her. Zahra tucks her tail out of the way and Percy absently strokes the tip of it as it slides past. "There'd have to be someone around the place. I don't know what Gilmore has in his repertoire, but if he can't do it he'll know someone who can. I can ask my sister; she might have some idea. I'm sorry..." He falters a little. "I've been away too long." 

Zahra pats his hand sympathetically with her tail. "You'll learn," she says. 

"Mmmm." Percy eats a strawberry, tosses a second one in the air to Vex, who catches it in her mouth without any visible effort. Vax makes a grumbly noise and Percy tosses one in his direction as well. Vax spears it out of the air with one of his daggers and then flips it around to dig the green top out. "I feel like there's a lot that happened in the time I was gone." 

"How long _have_ you been gone?" Zahra asks. 

Percy looks away from her, down the length of the table, as though he's counting the years friend by friend. Zahra's beginning to wonder if she asked something completely inappropriate when he turns back to her with a sad smile. 

"I'm not even sure any more." 

Vex, alerted by some kind of intangible radar, leaves off flicking peach pits at her brother and ducks under the table, interposing herself between Zahra and Percy. She's not angry, not yet, but her hackles are up. "What's going on here?" 

"Zahra's asking me about spellcasters," Percy says. "I don't think any of us can create scrolls. What spell was it you wanted, Zahra?" 

"The Sending spell. I may need to pass more information to Lillith and others across the continent over the coming days and I can't think of a more efficient way." Zahra flies her fork through the air and then knocks it down with a bread roll in her other hand. "Messenger bird... dragon... splat." 

"This is why you can't have an airship, darling," Vex says to Percy, who for a moment gives her a look of such perfect aggrieved nobility that Zahra can't hide a snicker.

Percy takes his glasses off and rubs his eyes. In that gesture Zahra sees just how bone-weary he is. It's not just him; as much as they're all getting by day after day joshing each other along and  promising each other it'll be better when this is all over, there's always that undercurrent of _what if it's never over_. 

It only makes her feel even stranger to be a part of this extended relationship, this lovely messy overlap of souls, that's so undeniably joyful. But on the other hand, why not? Why not laugh in the face of dragons and death? In all likelihood things will get worse before they get better, so why not? 

She laughs out loud and Kash gives her a curious look. "What's up, Zee?" 

"Just thinking about how things could be worse," Zahra says. 

"I am," Kash says cautiously, "concerned about your definition of _worse_ in this scenario."

* * *

It's not like she pulls Kash aside to intentionally ask him what's happening between him and Keyleth, but lo and behold, that's the topic of conversation that comes up after breakfast, as they're trying to ready themselves for a day that could bring anything. 

"Are you and Keyleth sleeping together yet?" 

It's also not like she intended to be so blunt about it, but Zahra's prone to having more or less zero brain-to-mouth filter. 

Kash stiffens as he's rolling an undershirt to put in his pack. "What do you mean, _yet_?" 

"I just—I assumed—" 

Kash turns around, and Zahra realizes he's barely containing anger, directed at _her_ , which has never been the case before. "Don't push it, Zee. I'm married, and Keyleth... Keyleth likes cuddling and kissing, but I get the feeling that she's not interested in anything more than that." 

"With you?" 

"With anyone." 

Zahra nods. She does have some difficulty wrapping her head around the notion—her own sexuality rolls off her like steam off a hot bath, and she's not quite sure why anyone wouldn't at least want to dip their toes into the water—but she can certainly accept it. 

She doesn't ask what Vax does if he's not sleeping with Keyleth, because a) that's a step too far away from being any of her business, and b) she's seen how he looks at Percy. She's especially seen how he looks at Percy when Vex's attention is otherwise engaged. The _good, we'll get some time together_ look. Percy usually responds with a _I really do need to get things done in the workshop_ look. Then Vax looks back with a  _did you just refer to me as "things"?_ expression, and the two of them go off to do filthy things to each other in the privacy of Percy's workshop.

There is a slight chance that she's making assumptions.

"And anyway, whatever you and Vex are doing, it is _not_ sleeping. My room's just down the hall from you, Zee. I've heard things." 

Zahra just leers at him, which is a lot more fun with a tiefling's face than she's ever seen a human manage. Kash looks unimpressed. 

Pike pokes her head through the open doorway. "Hey, you two. We're having a planning meeting down in the war room to figure out the best courses of action. Are you good to go?" 

Kashaw nods. Zahra debates whether or not to bring her staff—she's not quite sure if the presence of the black orb just nullifies magic or breaks it down entirely—but she doesn't want to leave it in her room. The Whitestone guards have been doubled, and she knows that Vex's particular favorite Jarett is making a point of drilling them in exactly how one must behave when one is guarding some of Tal'Dorei's greatest heroes. But six assassins and one tiger-fiend in one night is hard to disregard. 

In the end she brings it, berating herself for overthinking things. She's used to acting on instinct, but it's hard when there are so many ways for instinct to be betrayed. 

She hasn't gotten up close and personal with Vax, but she knows that there are some scars that never fully heal. She doesn't know, never _wants_ to know, how it would feel to be flayed alive. 

Zahra shakes her head and manages a smile for Pike, who's just said something that she totally missed. 

"Sorry, darling, my mind was wandering. What did you say?" She slows down to match Pike's pace along the long corridors of the castle, working their way steadily downward. 

"I said it's great to see all of you so happy. Everyone knew Vax would eventually tell Keyleth how he felt, of course, but I wasn't sure if anything was happening between you and Vex, even though every time I see you you're ogling each other—" 

Kash lets out a long snort. Zahra smacks him with her tail. 

"—and since the twins are getting better about sharing, it's nice that you and Keyleth get to spend some time together, Kash." Pike's sweet face is bright with honest affection. "Who knows what the days ahead are going to bring?" 

"Don't you miss everyone when they're away?" 

"Well, of course I do." Pike laughs. "How could I not?" 

"What Zee means is aren't you jealous of being outside all this?" Kash says. 

Pike's puzzled look is as honest as her affectionate look. "How do you mean?" 

"There's me and Keyleth, Vax and Keyleth, apparently Vax and this Gilmore person, Vax and—" 

Zahra stops him with a tap of her staff on his shoulder, ready to whack him harder if need be, but Pike's laughing. 

"No! Of course not! How could I be unhappy that all these people I love are happy?" Her laugh turns to a smile that says she has a secret. 

"What aren't you telling us, darling?" Zahra asks. 

"Weeeell..." Pike draws the word out. "I haven't really talked about this to the others yet, so I'm not sure I should tell you guys first..." 

She obviously wants to, but Zahra plays along. "Come on, darling, I swear we won't tell." 

Kash snorts again. Zahra tail-smacks him again. 

"I have a pretty good situation going for myself." 

"You don't say?" 

Pike grins. "Lady Allura." 

Zahra nearly chokes. "Lady _Allura_? I thought she was joined at the hip to Lady Kima! What does Lady Kima have to say about it?" For a second she's utterly forgotten the fact that she herself is a part of a very complicated multi-person relationship. 

Pike looks triumphant. "She usually says 'You have two hands, Pike, make use of them both'."

**Author's Note:**

>  _Elves tend strongly towards bisexuality, sharing themselves sexually and emotionally with their partners of any gender._  
>  Human sexuality runs the full gamut of possibilities, although some cultures and societies have particular taboos.  
> Half-elves fall somewhere in the middle, depending on their upbringing. 
> 
> \-- paraphrased from _The Book of Erotic Fantasy_
> 
> _For the tree of life is growing_  
>  Where the spirit never dies  
> And the bright light of salvation  
> Up in dark and empty skies 
> 
> \-- from "Death is Not the End" by renowned bard Nick Cave (despite the name, not actually a dwarf)


End file.
